© 2021 by Martin Zender & Heidi Colpo
Paperback. 484 pages, illustrated.
How to undo the spiritual damage wreaked upon the sexes by the Christian bestseller. Martin Zender and co-author Heidi Colpo encourage sexual freedom by breaking the bonds of sexual shame brought upon both children and adults by orthodox religion.
A battle of the sexes is raging. Men and women love one another—somewhat—but they do not like one another very much. Communication has broken down, and the respective parties hunker down in their respective caves. It is believed that only men retreat into caves, but this is not true. Women also retreat into metaphoric subterranean getaways, although their caves are much better decorated.
Did I mention that, additionally, there is a terrible lack of trust between the sexes? I should have. Men and women are doubting one another to death, especially on the topic of sex.
All of what I have said above concerning men and women has reached epidemic proportions. But what about married men and women?
Dear reader, these are the people I am talking about. I know it, and you know it: The number one source of discord among married couples is sexual miscommunication. Some silly part of you may object: “But no, the problem is money.” Not really. A couple undergoing financial strain can see itself through this crisis, or any crisis, with great sex. But the couple whose sex life is under water can barely survive arguments about how to wallpaper the bathroom, let alone about drastic financial crises. How ironic. The one thing God meant to be the ultimate comfort and joy in marriage—sex—is the thing sending people into their respective caves (or worse) the fastest.
This book is about sex. It is about what God—rather than Western culture or self-proclaimed moralists—has to say about sex. It is about refuting the terrible condemnation heaped upon both men and women by two authors of a popular Christian book that, instead of helping husbands and wives, has perched them on the brink of three ultimate and avoidable disasters: 1) condemnation, 2) guilt, and 3) divorce.
There is an insistent move in Christian churches today to domesticate men. By “domesticate,” I mean make men more like women, that is, calmer, nicer, more “spiritual,” less sexually insistent. A lot of the women like this because they think that it “evens things out.” Good though gullible men are willing to outwardly cooperate. A good albeit gullible man is willing to do anything to make peace with his wife, get along with his pastor, and please the angry God. And so these good yet stupid men will smile, shake the pastor’s hand, hug their wives, and then, when no one is looking, dive headfirst into real and cyber sexual candylands. This disaster is so avoidable.
I have many years ahead of me, and I will continue to learn what God wants for me and for my husband. This is not to say that I haven’t already been around the block a few times. I have. If I can help you in your relationship by sharing my experiences with you, I will count it a blessing. God is dear and real to me. His freedom can bring you peace. Yes, I realize how hard it is to make changes. That is why the apostle Paul has to talk to us so specifically about topics that matter to us. If this change were easy and fun, then Paul wouldn’t have to exhort us so many times. And these are exhortations, by the way, not laws dressed up in sheep’s clothing.
When it comes to practical guidelines concerning sex, what works for one couple could be a disaster for another. It takes time and willingness to learn about one’s spouse in order to make a marriage succeed. More importantly, it takes a deep desire to follow the Spirit’s leading.